You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
