I seem to have left my pride at pride
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
