there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
