Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
