Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
