my mouth tastes like poor choices
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
