i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
