my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
