You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
