If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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