So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
