Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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