I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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