Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
