Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
