Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
