I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
