I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
