She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
