Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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