U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
