i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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