Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
