Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Text me some of your sweat
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
