Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
