John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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