I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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