and you said cock pushups were impossible
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
