Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
