You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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