I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
