Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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