I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
