A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
