rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
