Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She's the barista slut.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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