you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
