Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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