and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
