Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
