Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
