I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
