sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
