I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
