my phone needs a breathalizer
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think people are normalizing furries
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
