Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
