wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
