We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
