theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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