I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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